My Speech & Photos at Book Launch

For those of you who have missed my Book Launch. Here is my speech so you can have a look and hope to motivate you as well. Also, do advice any comments or feedback for me or my speakers if any for those of you who attended. Thanks! Likewise, here is the link for my Book Launch photos. 🙂

Website:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/felicia22/sets/72157637478499726/

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Thank you for taking time to be here with us today. I hope you have benefitted from the talks by our 2 guest speakers. The purpose of this book launch is actually not about me but to create a common platform to share information and knowledge.

Through my talk today, I hope to create a lasting impression inside you such that if there ever is anything you can do to make improvements in your life, you will not ignore it but consider it seriously. I am not referring to pregnancy alone but for any challenges in your life too. So my talk is not just about my life experience but I hope that what I will share with you will make a difference in your life and possibly show you another way to approach your own life.

My journey started after I had gotten married back in 2004. My hubby and I decided we wanted to have 2 years of “honeymoon” period before trying for kids. Almost 6 years later, I was still not pregnant. We decided to seek medical help and were started off with some medication for a few months. When this didn’t work, we started a cycle of the IUI. This too didn’t go well, so we went straight into IVF. I was lucky, on the first cycle, I conceived in mid-2011 and I took all the necessary precautions like avoiding cold or caffeinated drinks and foods that might cause allergy.

My pregnancy journey went pretty well until 1 day when I was having dinner, my water bag just burst. I didn’t know what had happened till I was rushed to the A&E and told the ugly truth. Worst still, I was dilated for about 2-3cm already. The only consolation was that I didn’t have any contractions back then. However, an ultrasound showed that my baby boy had his foot stuck out of the water bag already. This prevented the water bag from healing itself naturally. I was confined to bed rest for 2 days, yet the unpreventable happened. Dominic Low, my first boy was delivered on 4th Nov 2011. He weighed just over 500grams at 23 weeks of gestation. Despite efforts to save him, he passed away shortly after birth.

Many people have asked me why I wrote my first book. It started when I was crying again one night when my hubby told me that our son, Dominic, will always remain in our memory. This sentence struck me, why only in memory? I am a graphic designer by training and I not only have local printer contacts, but I also know a publisher who is my client. Why should I leave Dominic in memory when memory may eventually fail me? I also wanted to tell people that I was a mom, a mother who had lost her son. The most important thing was to give credit to and honour my son. So I wrote my first draft and sent it to my publisher after 3 full days of non-stop typing during my confinement period. If you think writing a book is tough, you can imagine how difficult it was as I also did my own book design and layout too. That meant that besides reading the text numerous times after proof editing, I still had to make sure everything turned out nice as well, and this added another level of stress. Many times I cried behind my computer as I asked myself why I was doing this, repeatedly rubbing salts on my wounds. My publisher told me that writing is a healing process, although I couldn’t understand it back then. However, after the first book came out, I realised what he meant. My purpose for my first book was just to share my experiences with others, hoping that they would not need to go through what I went through and the things to take note of when being pregnant, and never to take things for granted. Often, people will say that it was not meant to be, or that it was not the right time, etc. What I wanted to say was that whatever happened was indeed not within our control but all the good things that happened thereafter was due to my son, Dominic Low. Without the first miscarriage, I wouldn’t have written the book, To Baby With Love or made so many new friends. I was encouraged by the positive comments left on my blog by people who suffered more than me but now have a child in their arms, and that I could have that too.

So regardless of whatever obstacles you face in your life now, whether with pregnancy, work, family or others, my advice to you is to stand up and face it bravely. Don’t leave things with regret.

After my first miscarriage, I went for another round of frozen IVF and I didn’t conceive. On my third round of fresh IVF, I conceived again, this time with twins. That was in mid-2012, about 6 months after my first miscarriage. I had hoped for a happy ending but things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to. I had bed rest and did a cerclage to prevent the cervix from opening early. Still, the stitch tore and I bled so I was again admitted to the hospital and put on full best rest. After 2 days of bed rest, Elvis and Louis were born on 2nd Oct 2012. At only gestation of 21 weeks, you can guess the obvious. This time it was my hubby who encouraged me to write a book and I took his advice. Lost And Found, my second book, is about my twins, my second miscarriage and finding new faith after the loss.

Reason being, I converted to Christian after my first miscarriage and was officially water baptised after my second miscarriage. That’s how the book title Lost And Found came about.

So after 2 miscarriages, I came to a realisation. I not only had problems conceiving, but even after getting pregnant, I faced another problem with carrying my baby to full term. Faced with so many problems, many may have given up. However, to me, it is just another problem to solve and tackle. Then again, the question is how to move on with life after 2 miscarriages? I was reminded of all the little things that I had once enjoyed in life, that I once embraced life and had my fair share of fun, joy and laughter. I was also blessed with good family support all this while. I’ve been told that I am fortunate to have good family and friends to support me while they do not. All I can say is everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses. Find supportive friends to confide in, or even seek professional help. You do not need to face your problems alone.

Many of us are consumed by the busyness of our lives and work. After all that my family and I have been through, I have learnt that it is not about what you lose but how to cherish what you still have. Likewise it is not about the challenges you had but how you face these challenges. I remember seeing my parents crying over me, and my aunt who has difficulties walking coming to visit me while I was in the hospital. We held hands and were speechless for a few brief moments. I asked myself what have I done to make my whole family cry like that with me? From that moment, I told myself, I had move on.

Yes, I may have lost my health and money, but these can still be regained. I lost some business along the way but gained a lot more new friends and their encouragement that I so appreciate and am thankful for. I even received recommendations for gynecologists and TCM which has helped me to streamline my search and it is so nice that even strangers want to help me to solve my problems when they don’t even know me. I have regained my health, lost some weight and bounced back with a weekly exercise routine. So did I gain or lose? The point here is that, it is not about whether you win or lose, but how you run the race. Sometimes all it takes is a small change in our way of thinking. Have you given your best shot at life and lived it with no regrets? After all, everyone has only 1 life.

We are living in a competitive world, in school, we compete for good grades, at work, we compete for promotion. We are always competing and comparing ourselves with others. Do we enjoy our lives in the process or are we working ourselves to death? A lady once told me that she didn’t want kids back when she was striving for her career but now regrets as her hubby passed away suddenly, leaving her alone. We always say that we are too busy and neglect the important things which will lead to regrets later. 1 thing we are all very good at is blaming ourselves. I was guilty of that too. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. Was it because of something I ate or drank? I don’t think so. I even had bed rest on my second pregnancy in the hope of preventing it from happening again. So why did it still happen? Is it still my fault after I had tried my best?

Moving forward, how can I motivate myself to get on with life? The answer is not to focus on the negative things that had happened but to stay on the positive side of things. I don’t want people to blame my babies by saying that I became unhealthier because of my miscarriages, so I started exercising, eating healthier and I can now tell people that because of my babies, I am now healthier. They are my source of strength and they push me to do better, to put myself in a better state of health, both physically and mentally. All this will give me a better chance for my next pregnancy. Yes, you heard me right, I still want to try again and have not given up yet. I believe the best is yet to come and I am preparing myself for it. I don’t want to have regrets later should I not try again. However, I am not saying you need to follow what I do, what I am saying is that, whatever your decision is, stay true to yourself, follow your heart and live with no regrets.

In conclusion, make the best out of your life and do the things that you are passionate about. Of course, you will always be faced with challenges and obstacles, but don’t let these stop you from doing what you can do and are passionate about. I hope everyone here can live your lives to the fullest and not look back with regret but with happiness, joy and love. Thank you!